From the middle of emotional storm

Last month in Daejeon is arriving. Time does flies, especially during this season of your life, summer. During the period of growing up to be real adult, it’s time for you to learn dealing with your life. Responsibility, career, relationship. Learn how to manage the work, how to compromise between your dream and the truth, how to blend in with bunch of people.

In terms of responsibility and career, thanks to my mom who helps teaching me how to manage and organize the stuffs since I was young. When I was 11 years old, she gave me my first planner and taught me how to use it properly (Yes, since you cannot really expect grade-5 student to understand this thing well by herself). After that, I started buying myself yearly (or half-year) planner every year. Organizing skill turns to be my nature of doing thing. Once it even reached the point that made me feel scared since I turned to be too detailed in every single things I do. Luckily, these days I’m getting better with it. I keep reminding myself that good music follows the note but also needs some improvise.

And though you think you’ve learned and passed so much lesson about human and relationship, you never get to know it well enough. Meeting new people will broaden your thought and idea on human. The more new people (or if I’m lucky enough, new friends) I meet, the more I realize that human is such a fantastic and also complicated living thing you’ll ever meet.

Me, myself I don’t really trust first impression. According to my own experience, my first impressions of (almost all of) my closed friends are not really good, or not really clicked. But once I get to know them more, they always get me the eagerness to know these people in deeper way, to explore more on their thought, to share my life with them more. Sometimes, for some people, I got limited time with them. But since they are too nice to be true (haha), I always feel like enhancing my time, or else, freezing the time in order to spend more time and enjoy my life with them more. It might depend on luck but I’m quite lucky enough to get some this kind of friends. And most of them turn to be my friends for life in long term.

But in the other way, some people might make you feel the opposite side. During this short period of my life, sometimes I believe that for some people, you’d better know them only for some period of time and not get to be too closed. For some people, they get some limit or you can call border to reach. Over than that, you might know each other ‘too well’ and that might lead to downturn of the relationship for some reasons. You might discover that you cannot be clicked enough with them. Or you might get to know them too well and see the other side, that persons also but from different side that you have never seen before and that might not fit with your way of living.

 


Well, sounds so complicated and might get you some headache. But this is what was in my mind these several weeks ago. Time for me to let it go and don’t think of these stuffs that much as one of my friends said I shouldn’t take everything as my responsibility. (LOL this is really mama’s girl!) I intend to enjoy my last month in Daejeon with smile and laughing everyday until the end. Time to get rid of negative power and charge my power with positive mind.

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(Throwback to one of my best days in Daejeon. When the birthday girl turned to be photographer for her birthday also. haha)

Another storyteller

When I was young, my mom liked to read me the fairy tales. When she felt lazy, she bought the cassette tape with fairy tale stories and played it for me until I fell asleep. And right after I started to learn how to read, she stopped reading for me and asked me to read for her instead. I was eager to know the story and I guess that how I started to love reading and turn to be bookworm. I love the feeling of flipping the paper and I love the feeling of imagining the things describing in those stories. I’m always getting excited to read new books and get through the new adventure.

And when I reach to some point, I feel like writing. Two of my closed friends just told me last week that I really love talking (well, only with the closed ones I guess haha). I guess I like telling the stories also. Different from talking, writing needs time and effort to arrange the stories. You need to clarify your content in easy way and express it out in systematic way so they can understand your thought and you can send our your message correctly.

And the reason why I love writing is because I feel like I can get time to talk with myself when I write.

And yes, as you can see I love writing blog. Especially, on traveling as you can see from my blog updating. Starting from last year until now. I love telling the stories and the thoughts I found out during the time I traveled.

But I rarely know how my travel partner thinks about our trip. So it always fascinates me getting to read or know the same stories from other perspective. You might miss some chance to take a look to some places more carefully, or notice some people during the trip. Talking with your travel partners from last trip how it was might lead you to another memorable moments back there in your memories.

 

I just realized this from my last school holiday trip in Seoul last spring. I have to admit that I’ve been traveled to Seoul so many times. Though I didn’t expect myself to, still I always get something up to do in Seoul. Sometimes for speech competition, for renewing my passport, for meeting family and friends, for meeting professors. And last spring holiday, I went on a trip to Seoul with one of my best friends from Thailand.

She didn’t stay with me that long enough until now so I still can ask her how our trip was. But instead of talking, she wrote some blogs. I got to read through her stories and I get to see my own diary yet written through my friend’s eyes. Same stories but from different perspective.

So can I still say it the same story?

I’ll leave her link after this entry end. She hasn’t finished updating so far but you can see how fun our trip was so far and you might get something in your mind in case you would travel to Seoul in the future.

But this is the thing that I realized from our trip together.

To travel somewhere, it’s not about the destination or how good it was. Sometimes the destination is nothing. Seoul is just Seoul for me already. I walk there until my feeling to Seoul was just like other capital city. But the main point of traveling is with whom you travel with (Well, unless it’s solo trip, then you get time to talk with yourself).

Some people make you feel more tired, some people make you feel so energetic, some people make you feel relaxed or some people make you feel like home.

I did feel like last trip with her warm up my heart and secure my anxiety of graduate school life. I still have no idea what will happen in the future but as I know, my inner power was charged and I hope it’ll be strong enough to get pass all of those coming hardship.

Thank you for bringing home atmosphere here with you and take care until we meet again.

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Feel free to check her stories here. This girl also got some interesting stories to share with you.

Five starred-scene

Once, I read one pocket book, telling about behind-the-scene for one Thai movie.

There was one chapter, writing about this movie director’s way of working. He said at first he put his whole time for every single detail in his movie. They finished their work late night everyday. Sometimes their schedule went messy since he didn’t let anything go at all.

Until his senior told him that while shooting the movie, he needs to learn how to star each scene. Let say some scene is really important and supposed to be neat. If so, give them 5 stars. If not, decrease their star to 4 or 3 stars.

He wrote that it’s not that he didn’t know it since the beginning yet it’s his first movie in his life. He just wanted to do his best. But in the end, working experience and life experience just taught him that sometimes we need to choose.

 

And yes, finally, he learned to star the scene properly. Some he gave 5, some 4 or some got only 3.

 

This book just suddenly popped up in my mind because honestly I also got similar way of working with this director.

If I can, I would like to put all of my effort to all of my work. I have never calculated, I have never come up with any technique.

I spend all of my energy. If I can, I might even sell my soul already. (LOL)

Until sometimes I got to be sick.

But I never learn. I always just make joke with myself after hard working that I’ll reborn and just work like that again.

 

But right now, I just realized that if our life has got so many things to do, maybe it’s time to star our ‘a must’.

Something might be so important but something might not. I need to learn how to make balance and just divide my star in the right way.

If not that important, just get my star back.

If it is, just star them more.

Decrease my craziness and just let the stars work for me.

Who knows, I might get to sit and discover what my ‘really’ important thing is.

 

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비 / Rain

(English Translation is below)

_비_

비가 다시 왔다. 늦잠을 잤는데 오늘 아침에 정신없이 급히 나사거 집에서 우산을 잊어 버리고 왔다.

친구에게 빌리려고 했지만 아무도 연락을 안 받았다. 어쩔 수 없이 학교 근처에 있는 커피숍 안에서 비가 멈풀 때까지 기다릴 수밖에 없었다.

들어가자마자 주문하였다. 커피를 마시지 않아서 핫초코를 주문하였다.

핫초코를 천천히 홀짝이는 동안 오래 전에 산 소설 책을 식탁 위에 놓았다.

조록조록 빗소리를 들으면서 끝까지 그 책을 읽었다.

끝낸 후에 비는 아직도 멈추지 않았다. 커피숍 창문 밖에 하늘을 바라보니 어렸을 때 추억이 문득 떠올았다.

그 때는 오늘처럼 우산이 없고 친구와 집에 돌아갔다. 빨리 가려고 했는데 친구는 천천하고 태연히 걸었다.

사실은 좀 귀찮았는데 그 친구는 ‘매일 하늘 밑에 사니까 왜 이렇게 비가 무섭니?’라고 물어봤다. 그 후에 우리는 비놀이를 같이 하였다.

그 추억 때문에 가슴이 따뜻하게 되었다.

비는 아직 멈추지 않더라도 초코값을 내고 집에 돌아갔다.

좀 젖어도 가슴속에 어린 힘이 가득하게 되었다…

 

_Rain_

Here came again the rain. I went to bed quite late last night so this morning I was hurried to come out and just left my umbrella at home.

I tried to contact my friends. Just wanting to borrow their umbrella but no one answered my call. In the end, I could only wait in the cafe nearby the school until the rain stops.

Right after I entered the cafe, I made an order. And because I don’t like drinking coffee, I ended up just order a cup of hot chocolate. While slowly sipping my hot choco, I put the novel I bought long time ago but didn’t get any chance to finish it.

I finished reading the whole book while listening to the rain drop sound.

Well, I already finished my book, yet it’s still raining outside. I looked out of the cafe window, saw the sky and then one memory from the past just popped up in my head.

It was a rainy day without umbrella like today. One different thing was that I was on the way back home with my friend. I would like to arrive home as fast as possible but my friend just walked slowly and calmly.

I got to be a bit annoyed but then my friend suddenly said that, ‘Everyday you live your life under this big sky. How come you get to be afraid of the rain this much?’

After that, we ended up playing under the rain together like little kids.

Only by thinking of that moment, it helped warming up my heart.

Though it’s still raining outside, I just paid for my hot choco and walked back home.

Getting a bit wet, but deep inside my heart, it’s full of that power.

The power of youth.

 


Well, I supposed to come up with travel entry. But this is the assignment my Korean teacher gave us to do in class last week.

She gave us one word and asked us to write the things that come out in our mind by looking at that word. And we were asked to write the whole story.

This is my story and it started from the word ‘Rain’.

The English translation might be a bit weird since the original version is Korean.

I just really like the feeling of writing and reading this short essay. That’s why I decided to keep it here with other entry.

 

I hope you guys would enjoy the rain once in awhile also.

 

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Dear my inner cycle

After my last school vacation, I buried myself with tons of books and manga. I, suddenly, would like to shut myself out from the world for awhile.  (Well, I still check through my SNS everyday haha! but I don’t really follow any news or drama so crazy as before). Not like I don’t want to know what happened here or there, it’s just I got my mood to dig more in deep side of human. It turned out that I escaped back to my books. Getting to understand human from other way. (Yes, one of those books is Norwegian Wood by Murakami because I want to dig more to human mind. It caused my friend who kept asking for the innocent me that’s he thought already gone somewhere forever.)

In the end, book can cover some. And the thing I got back from indulging myself with literature is my power of concentration which I had lost it somewhere long time ago.

Until the time comes, thanks to my friend helping remind me that I left my blog for long time already.

Updating blog, though it’s one of my pleasure to do, turns to be hard when you feel like your life gets not that much interesting story as before. I didn’t get to travel to some new places, I didn’t get to have exciting trip, I didn’t get to meet much new people. During last vacation, I organized to meet a lot of friends, my professors. Some I consider them far from just normal acquaintances. They are just alike my sister, my brother. Well, I even call one of my friends as another mom! haha

After that, these days, other than books (I rarely study Korean, honestly haha), I spend my time with the group of my closed friends. We cook, we eat, we talk. And yes, we get to laugh a lot because of these gatherings. I have no idea about the other but me, myself, I’m getting to be more calm and stable with myself. I feel so warm deep inside my heart after every dinner we had together and I always get nice, tight sleep by those nights.

Quite strange, but surrounding myself with people I love and feel comfortable with turns to be my current pleasure. This does surprise me somehow. Since normally,  I’m that type of persons who’s super easy to get bored. I prefer new adventure or trip to somewhere rather than daily routine.

Or else, human needs their own circle to keep their battery charged. No matters how many adventurous or interesting stories you have experienced, it doesn’t really mean that much if you have no one you would like to share it with. I might get to travel a lot and experience so much on this world. Yet, if I have to keep all of these experiences to myself, my happiness couldn’t lead up to that level.

The level that could only be reached by sharing with someone.

Besides sharing your happiness with someone, it’s also with whom you share it with. I consider myself for socialized side as onion. (Sound wrong for some reason, isn’t it?) As I said, I’m super easy to get bored. I, thus, bring myself to experience new things. Extra activities in school, exchange program, volunteer activities. All of these got me tons of acquaintances whose some become to be friends, closed friends, and best friends.

When you get to know new people, you learn about them by every factor. Their first impression, their conversation, their interest, their aura you feel. Getting to talk and stay with them a bit more, you’ll learn where to place them in your life.

That’s the way I create my onion. It’s the zone of people around myself. Outer cycle, middle one, and inner one. The inner you are, the more I know they can accept the true me. I can freely be myself with these people. I know that it’s safe and sound enough for them to be there. Mostly these people are always the one whom I would like to share my stories with. In the other way, they always turn to be there when I need someone.

I’m always grateful for having them in my life. But sometimes, I also get to ignore some from my inner circle which the feeling of being ignored turn to hurt me in the same way. Once, I was obsessed, thinking too much on this, considering and blaming myself as those who overlooks the friendship and love my inner circle give to me. Talking with myself for awhile, I patted my shoulder, complementing myself for at least feeling hurtful by this and telling myself to try paying attention and caring a bit more to my inner circle. I’m not that good with it now, still I’m trying my best.

 

Turn out this blog is super long with only the text haha!

I promised to myself to read more and write more. Hope I still can keep this promise to myself.

Until next time. (Not as long as last time, I promise)

 

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(I wonder if the owners of these feet still remember where they were taken and whose they are haha!)

Beauty by the eyes of beholder

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

There are so many times we judge,

We judge that there is nothing in some places.

We judge that there is no good in something.

We judge that there is no reason to even talk with someone.

All is by the reason that ‘they said that…’

Some places, something, someone that we perceived could be so different.

Some places, something, someone always get some hidden beauty inside, waiting for the right one who can see.

It depends on us whether we are open-minded and open our eyes big enough to find it out

or we will just wait for those ‘they’ to keep telling us the information.

Sometimes, if you do not get to perceive directly by your own, you would never be able to judge those things.

Since no matters what, indirect experiences, provided by the others, cannot always tell you the truth that you might perceive it by your own as same as our direct experience.

As I mentioned before,

Beauty is in the the eye of beholder.

So let me ask you one question,

Between the eyes with open-minded and the eyes that already half-closed by bias,

what kind of eyes would be able to perceive the beauty better?

 

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It’s about the depth not the length.

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Once she stopped rushing through life. She was amazed how much more life she had time for. – Unknown

It’s been a while I didn’t updated my blog. Asking me what I was busy for, my answer would be ‘living my life’.

Right now, I’m trying to slow down my pace. I reduce my schedule for one day. Stop pushing myself by my own deadline that’s too pressured. I’m eating healthier, sleeping more healthier and doing the things that make me feel happier. I travel when my feet ask for some adventure. I even start writing some more articles on the topic that I would like to do for such a long time ago. I’m trying to live my life in more balance way between my duty and my happiness.

In conclusion, I’m trying to make more quality time for myself.

Other than my own private life, I try more to care less about other’s opinion. Joe (from Princess Diary Movie, one of my most favorite forever!) said that “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.”. I do agree with him though. I’m living in the way that I prefer to do. No matter what the others think, if they know me well enough, I think they’ll understand and accept me with my own way.

I used to be the one who considers too much on success and failure. But then I realized that none of them is permanent. It comes and it goes. We do learn something from every step of our life. I shouldn’t be afraid of failure and not too overexcited for success. I just need to embrace it as one part of me. The part that makes me who I am for now.

Nothing is useless and nothing to regret.

Short updated for now. I’m coming back after my TOPIK exam in March for last snow blog update from Chungcheon. (Long time ago trip with school haha)