First lesson in graduate school

Well, to update about my life, I just started my graduate school life last week.

Though it’s still my own major from Bachelor’s, I feel like it’s such a long time ago already that I didn’t get to see my subjects again and I felt so nervous before the first class started.

I still can remember that night before first class started, I couldn’t sleep that tight since I was worried about first lecture in my life which is all in Korean. English is not my mother tongue but I feel way more comfortable if my lecture is in English.

 

After first week, I felt so overwhelmed with papers and curiosity. This kind of feeling is normal when you keep questioning yourself on your decision in the past. Maybe I didn’t a wrong choice. Maybe I might not be that good enough.

In the end, I decided to stop reading papers and go to sleep. After waking up next morning, everything seemed to be way better than the night before.

 

I realized that life is just like this. Whatever it is, you need time. Time to adjust myself, my speed, my life pace. It might take longer time than you’d expect but no rush. Slowly. When everything is in its place and you already get used to it, it would slowly flow and everything would be okay.

I tweeted this thought on my twitter and some of my friends came to show their support and encourage, as always. Our motto since high school is ‘Nothing just believe’ from Kang Fu Panda. My friend said the older we are, the harder things we face. It would be harder for us to believe that we can do it because it comes with different condition. But she believes that I can do it. Just need to calm myself down and slowly do it step by step. It might be slower than the others but it doesn’t mean that the final result would be worse than the others.

Her word is wise one as always. But one thing I do realized after reading her message this morning is that although you might not always keep in touch with some friends, true friend is always true friend and their friendship is so precious so you shouldn’t neglect or let it go so easily. If it means something, you need to make sure that you wouldn’t let it go.

Well, if my back up is this well, how can I just give up since the beginning this easy? Time to move on and just give it your best try. Don’t be afraid to fail because everything can be fixed. Always.

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(This photo was taken in Bangkok. The day I went on one day trip with my friends. Got fainted but thanks to them I survived haha. Remembered that day I was fully charged after mental break down because of relationship.

Thanks to you if you get to read this. I know you know who you are. haha!)

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The nearest, the most complicated

I don’t have long-eyed sight. (Or I’d better say not yet). But, these days I keep thinking that somehow I got long-eyed sight. I just didn’t really realize about it.

As I always ignore the things nearby and for some reasons that I rarely understand, I always look for something that’s far away, or else not really coming so soon. Something in the future. Something that might not even come.

With this reason, could I call this long-eyed sight?

 

I’ve wondered so much about people, about the world. How would it be outside there? Far away from your own comfort zone. How different is it? How people think in different way? Why? How?

My curiosity brings me somewhere far. Too far. I got chances to explore more on the world, on different society, different culture, get to meet more people. Those experiences provide me more chance to understand the world, the outer one that’s far away from your own world. The world that you’d thought you already know about it so well by your heart.

But as I read from somewhere (Please don’t mind me for my memory, you read a lot then you forget where it is from. Since your memory can turn to be too blurred with overload information), no matter how far you’ve gone, once you would come back at the beginning point.

The more you explore about the outer world, the more you get to be curious on your own inner world.

Well, to be more specific, that inner world is your own self, your own heart, your own soul.

My curiosity changed from the world to myself since I came to Korea for my Master’s degree. It had stopped once because of my busy schedule. Yet, my conversation with one of my best friends reminded me this question again. And as usual, I still cannot come up with any answer that satisfy myself.

I’m quite satisfied with my life. I got to choose my own life pace. I got the best mom, warm and closed family, super nice and supportive group of friends and inner cycle.

But still I got the feeling that I keep looking for something. Something that’s alike missing puzzle. Something that I don’t really know what it is. I still wonder with myself.

What or who am I looking for in this life? What is the thing that can really fulfill this soul?

Somehow, the most complicated thing is not the things that you don’t know but it’s the most closest, the nearest thing. Your own heart.

The more you explore, the most you get to be both, fascinated and worried, how your own heart can be this complicated and confusing. Will I really get to understand it enough? Or that day might not ever come?

Probably, this meaning of life might take me such a long time to figure it out. Else, it might take me my whole life, I wouldn’t even know.

 

 

But I guess this complicated puzzle will be worth that time to solve it out anyway.

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(This photo was taken in National Gallery of Singapore and this model credit goes to the girl I’m missing the most at this moment, my younger sister! Hope you’re doing well there).

Life pace

After studying social science and getting to know more people, there is one important thing I get to learn.

Everyone is different. Everyone is unique in his or her own way. All of us perceives and experiences the world in different way because we all are socialized and raised up in our own way. They value the things in our life differently.

Some people aim for the highest position. Some people already satisfy with the simple life, surrounded by the one they love and the one that return them back love. Some people aim for something that he or she might not even understand it clearly enough what it is.

 

And also, because of this uniqueness,┬áthere might be so many times you feel frustrated, you might feel down, you might get confused with life. Just because your life don’t go to the pace that the others’ life do.

 

During college school, especially the time before graduation, I was always wondering and got afraid of future pace. I didn’t really know where to go, what to do. Would it be okay? How would the others will think about that?

Sometimes, you get the feeling of invisible pressure on your shoulders though no one  says anything. That was my feeling last time. In the end, I realized that the only thing that really matters is my way of thinking.

It’s not about what the other think, what the other believe. But it’s only ‘my’ own thinking. Future that seems so unstable and scary is nothing if I just put my nervousness down and let it flow in their own way, naturally. Only one thing I can control is my own way of doing the thing. If I make sure that I already do it in my best way, there is nothing to regret later. That should be more than enough.

 

Yes, since sometimes to reach the most perfect life pace is just to let it flow, naturally, as this blue planet earth works. Anyway, human is still part of this greatest nature.

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(Photo from our graduation trip in Krabi with my Chiang Mai Gang. I still got the greatness of nature by this photo ever.)

Last of the Last

My first count down in my life was on New Year Eve in Thailand when I was in primary school. I was on the stadium with my mom and we counted down for the new coming year with thousands of people there.

All I remember was that we waited until the end since they drew lots for New Year present. Ended up we got one electronic fan with us back home. Then, I never got to go back for any New Year count down again because I started to hate crowded places and preferred counting down in my house with my book and blanket instead.

Still, I like to count down. Not really for New Year. But at the very last moment of anything, I would start to count down how many days have left. By that time, I’ll realize that from 30 days that seems a lot, then slowly decrease to 20, and then last 10 days will come so fast, too fast until you feel like pressing the pause button to take a break before goodbye stage will really come.

I count down to remind myself how many days to go and also to tell myself to seize those precious days with the places I want to go, the things I want to do, and the people I love to spend time with. Since life can be so short, you would never know when will be next time that you’ll get to go, to do or to meet them again.

One thing that counting down my day has never let me down is that I’d never regret later when I look back to my time. It might be sad to move on to next chapter of our life but at least, you know that you already enjoy and indulge every single second of those last moment periods.

My last 10 days in Daejeon for language course is coming and I’ll make sure that I’ll not regret later.

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PS. It’s super hot but Korea summer sky will also never let you down.;-)

From the middle of emotional storm

Last month in Daejeon is arriving. Time does flies, especially during this season of your life, summer. During the period of growing up to be real adult, it’s time for you to learn dealing with your life. Responsibility, career, relationship. Learn how to manage the work, how to compromise between your dream and the truth, how to blend in with bunch of people.

In terms of responsibility and career, thanks to my mom who helps teaching me how to manage and organize the stuffs since I was young. When I was 11 years old, she gave me my first planner and taught me how to use it properly (Yes, since you cannot really expect grade-5 student to understand this thing well by herself). After that, I started buying myself yearly (or half-year) planner every year. Organizing skill turns to be my nature of doing thing. Once it even reached the point that made me feel scared since I turned to be too detailed in every single things I do. Luckily, these days I’m getting better with it. I keep reminding myself that good music follows the note but also needs some improvise.

And though you think you’ve learned and passed so much lesson about human and relationship, you never get to know it well enough. Meeting new people will broaden your thought and idea on human. The more new people (or if I’m lucky enough, new friends) I meet, the more I realize that human is such a fantastic and also complicated living thing you’ll ever meet.

Me, myself I don’t really trust first impression. According to my own experience, my first impressions of (almost all of) my closed friends are not really good, or not really clicked. But once I get to know them more, they always get me the eagerness to know these people in deeper way, to explore more on their thought, to share my life with them more. Sometimes, for some people, I got limited time with them. But since they are too nice to be true (haha), I always feel like enhancing my time, or else, freezing the time in order to spend more time and enjoy my life with them more. It might depend on luck but I’m quite lucky enough to get some this kind of friends. And most of them turn to be my friends for life in long term.

But in the other way, some people might make you feel the opposite side. During this short period of my life, sometimes I believe that for some people, you’d better know them only for some period of time and not get to be too closed. For some people, they get some limit or you can call border to reach. Over than that, you might know each other ‘too well’ and that might lead to downturn of the relationship for some reasons. You might discover that you cannot be clicked enough with them. Or you might get to know them too well and see the other side, that persons also but from different side that you have never seen before and that might not fit with your way of living.

 


Well, sounds so complicated and might get you some headache. But this is what was in my mind these several weeks ago. Time for me to let it go and don’t think of these stuffs that much as one of my friends said I shouldn’t take everything as my responsibility. (LOL this is really mama’s girl!) I intend to enjoy my last month in Daejeon with smile and laughing everyday until the end. Time to get rid of negative power and charge my power with positive mind.

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(Throwback to one of my best days in Daejeon. When the birthday girl turned to be photographer for her birthday also. haha)

Another storyteller

When I was young, my mom liked to read me the fairy tales. When she felt lazy, she bought the cassette tape with fairy tale stories and played it for me until I fell asleep. And right after I started to learn how to read, she stopped reading for me and asked me to read for her instead. I was eager to know the story and I guess that how I started to love reading and turn to be bookworm. I love the feeling of flipping the paper and I love the feeling of imagining the things describing in those stories. I’m always getting excited to read new books and get through the new adventure.

And when I reach to some point, I feel like writing. Two of my closed friends just told me last week that I really love talking (well, only with the closed ones I guess haha). I guess I like telling the stories also. Different from talking, writing needs time and effort to arrange the stories. You need to clarify your content in easy way and express it out in systematic way so they can understand your thought and you can send our your message correctly.

And the reason why I love writing is because I feel like I can get time to talk with myself when I write.

And yes, as you can see I love writing blog. Especially, on traveling as you can see from my blog updating. Starting from last year until now. I love telling the stories and the thoughts I found out during the time I traveled.

But I rarely know how my travel partner thinks about our trip. So it always fascinates me getting to read or know the same stories from other perspective. You might miss some chance to take a look to some places more carefully, or notice some people during the trip. Talking with your travel partners from last trip how it was might lead you to another memorable moments back there in your memories.

 

I just realized this from my last school holiday trip in Seoul last spring. I have to admit that I’ve been traveled to Seoul so many times. Though I didn’t expect myself to, still I always get something up to do in Seoul. Sometimes for speech competition, for renewing my passport, for meeting family and friends, for meeting professors. And last spring holiday, I went on a trip to Seoul with one of my best friends from Thailand.

She didn’t stay with me that long enough until now so I still can ask her how our trip was. But instead of talking, she wrote some blogs. I got to read through her stories and I get to see my own diary yet written through my friend’s eyes. Same stories but from different perspective.

So can I still say it the same story?

I’ll leave her link after this entry end. She hasn’t finished updating so far but you can see how fun our trip was so far and you might get something in your mind in case you would travel to Seoul in the future.

But this is the thing that I realized from our trip together.

To travel somewhere, it’s not about the destination or how good it was. Sometimes the destination is nothing. Seoul is just Seoul for me already. I walk there until my feeling to Seoul was just like other capital city. But the main point of traveling is with whom you travel with (Well, unless it’s solo trip, then you get time to talk with yourself).

Some people make you feel more tired, some people make you feel so energetic, some people make you feel relaxed or some people make you feel like home.

I did feel like last trip with her warm up my heart and secure my anxiety of graduate school life. I still have no idea what will happen in the future but as I know, my inner power was charged and I hope it’ll be strong enough to get pass all of those coming hardship.

Thank you for bringing home atmosphere here with you and take care until we meet again.

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Feel free to check her stories here. This girl also got some interesting stories to share with you.

Five starred-scene

Once, I read one pocket book, telling about behind-the-scene for one Thai movie.

There was one chapter, writing about this movie director’s way of working. He said at first he put his whole time for every single detail in his movie. They finished their work late night everyday. Sometimes their schedule went messy since he didn’t let anything go at all.

Until his senior told him that while shooting the movie, he needs to learn how to star each scene. Let say some scene is really important and supposed to be neat. If so, give them 5 stars. If not, decrease their star to 4 or 3 stars.

He wrote that it’s not that he didn’t know it since the beginning yet it’s his first movie in his life. He just wanted to do his best. But in the end, working experience and life experience just taught him that sometimes we need to choose.

 

And yes, finally, he learned to star the scene properly. Some he gave 5, some 4 or some got only 3.

 

This book just suddenly popped up in my mind because honestly I also got similar way of working with this director.

If I can, I would like to put all of my effort to all of my work. I have never calculated, I have never come up with any technique.

I spend all of my energy. If I can, I might even sell my soul already. (LOL)

Until sometimes I got to be sick.

But I never learn. I always just make joke with myself after hard working that I’ll reborn and just work like that again.

 

But right now, I just realized that if our life has got so many things to do, maybe it’s time to star our ‘a must’.

Something might be so important but something might not. I need to learn how to make balance and just divide my star in the right way.

If not that important, just get my star back.

If it is, just star them more.

Decrease my craziness and just let the stars work for me.

Who knows, I might get to sit and discover what my ‘really’ important thing is.

 

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